When I was a child, I was very interested in learning to sew or knit. I have a vague memory of my grandmother trying to teach me to cast yarn on to the big metal knitting needles. I couldn’t grasp the concept at the time but I do appreciate her trying. Then there was the 7th grade Home Economics debacle where I received my one and only failing grade of my entire educational career-in sewing. In a desire to connect more with my mother I wanted to learn to sew and do it well. I remember going to the fabric store and choosing a pretty floral pink flannel and a Lanz style long nightgown pattern. She cautioned me on choosing such a difficult pattern to start out with and I wouldn’t listen. From there I took the materials to my Home Ec class and have blocked everything out as it was a very disappointing and negative experience. I am sure if I had chosen something less complicated things would have turned out differently. Why can’t we listen to our mothers?
My mom was a talented seamstress. She made dresses for us for special occasions, elaborate figure skating costumes for my sister, and probably many other items I have forgotten and could have appreciated more at the time. When I would ask her to teach me to sew, she would say, “not now”. I get where she was coming from now that I am an adult. That was one of the few times she could express her creativity and maybe try to have some alone time away from the responsibilities of raising a houseful of kids.
I had promised myself that I would never say “not now” when my own children asked me to teach them something. How judgmental of my mother I have been and naive of me at the time. I think I may have said “not now” on plenty of occasions during my parenting years. I don’t hold that against my parents and I hope my children don’t hold it against me. When we are raising our children it is a whole different time of life than our later years. Still, I was determined to not let that happen with my grandchildren. We WILL sew, paint, garden, hike, play, read all the books, and do whatever we feel like doing. I will try not to say “Not Now” if I can help it. We can’t have do-overs with our children but we get another chance of sorts with the grands. We have the luxury of more time and less stress at this stage. We are not in survival mode and working full time and juggling impossible expectations, events and situations. I have such compassion for our adult children. I have not forgotten the challenges of parenting. Nor have I forgotten the joys.
It is my deep desire for making a lasting connection with my grandchildren. I am so grateful for the time I have been able to spend with them and I mourn what little time I have had with some of them due to distance and the pandemic. I embrace the opportunity to teach them to sew, to paint on a canvas, plant a tomato, to go sailing, and to feed the chickens. I hope they will remember long after I am gone that we did these things together. But if the memories get hazy as they often do, then perhaps these activities will instill in them a sense of finding a hobby, something to ground them, give them peace and a sense of satisfaction. It is a way I can always be with them. This is the only legacy I really care about. I was once accused of wanting my name on a building-a hilarious notion and story for another time. In the end the only legacy I need is the memory of me living on in the hearts and minds of the people I love and who loved me in return-especially in the hearts of my grandchildren.
We have more to do and more memories to make. We have some catching up to do because of the pandemic. More hugs, more stories, more of everything!
